LIFE IS A SPECTRUM

I've been out of touch again because we've been on Spring Break. It wasn't that we didn't have Internet access; the condo where we stayed had wireless high-speed Internet. It wasn't that I purposely took a break from electronics in an effort to reconnect on a more personal level with my family – as much as I'd like to claim that as the reason. In fact, the reason I have not been blogging is #1 on my list of “A few things Mama learned during Spring Break 2011 ...”

SB_BillySmiles_beach

1. You have to be able to hear yourself think in order to write.

Who would have thought? I had all these wild and crazy ideas about our vacation at the beach ... before we actually left. As I packed swimsuits and running shoes and sunblock, I imagined myself starting each day with a meditative walk on the beach, followed by a trip to the spa downstairs where I would work out for a full hour before hitting the sauna. In my mind's eye, I topped off this indulgence in self-care with a full body massage and pedicure. Which brings us to ...

2. After 24 hours with my kids at the beach, I want to work out like a hole in the head.

And as for the sauna: HA! I was lucky to have time for a shower. The closest I got to a pedicure was rubbing my feet on the bottom of the pool while carrying a child on my back.

But it was phenomenal week. Last year at this time, we had a “stay-cation” for Spring Break. We just didn't feel that Billy was ready for sleeping overnight in a strange place. That was a great holiday too; we just stayed in town and “played tourists” in our own city.

This year, though, we took the next step: an actual week-long vacation. Number 3 on my list is something I've stated before ...

3. A year can make a world of difference in the life of a child, any child.

Please remember that -- and help me remember it -- when we get a bit down about the current situation.

We take so many things for granted now that were practically unthinkable a year ago: eating out in (certain) restaurants without meltdown, the kids (mostly) sleeping through the night, Billy being potty-trained, Billy enjoying the company of other children. It's important to look back and realize that, even if it seems slow sometimes, progress is being made. And speaking of other kids ...

SB_BillyPrances

Beach sand = yummy tactile input :-)

4. Sometimes when we back off for a little while, nudge our little birds out of the nest, they will make breakthroughs seemingly on their own.

I sat in rapt wonder at a playground this past week as Billy played for a good half-hour with another little boy. They threw a ball back and forth, kicked it (sort of) to one another, chattered away in their own little ways, laughed and had a big sporty little boy-time. He didn't need me to provide appropriate social prompts, encourage him to take turns or guide his behavior in any way.

Of course, this wasn't actually a miracle. It just looks that way sometimes. His devoted team of speech therapists, teachers, aides, behavior therapists, occupational therapists, and family members have been working towards this goal for YEARS.

So team, take a bow -- alongside Billy. Your hard work has resulted in one happy four-year-old enjoying a great day at the playground and making a new friend.

5. Vacation is no time for flashcards.

Willow_partyoutfit

Of course, that didn't stop me from packing them. I broke out the sequencing cards one morning (3-step cards to help him learn “first, second, last” storytelling), and asked Billy about one simple picture story depicting a boy getting a book off the shelf, “Billy, what does the boy want to do next?” Instead of picking out the picture of the little boy reading, Billy replied, “Go to the beach.” And I got the message.

As a mom, I have to work on “going with the flow” a little bit. It's tough. If you read this blog regularly (and thank you, if you do!), I'm a control freak. I readily admit it. I spend so much of my time trying to be three steps ahead of every meltdown that I forget to relax and let my kids be kids sometimes. I used to have “Every moment can be a learning moment,” as my mantra, but my new mantra is, “Every moment doesn't HAVE to be a learning moment.” Chill out, mom.

6. It's Willow's vacation too.

Wait a minute, I have another kid? Sometimes, it still kinda surprises me, because so much of our planning goes into giving Billy the support he needs in any situation that I forget that Willow has "special needs" too. Even her birthday party gets planned around Billy's schedule, challenges and preferences. She's NEVER managed to blow out her own birthday candles without him getting there first.

Condo_party

Cool digs, huh? Thanks, sis!

Willow's few needs are for a moment of individual attention each day, a handful of birthday cake, and then she's good to go. The rest of the time, she's happy to make it all about her “Bee-dah” too.

7. Billy is pretty funny.

This isn't a revelation, but I was constantly reminded over the past week. One day, he was passing a stone-shaped speaker by the condo pool, he stopped pointed, and said, “I think that's ROCK music!” Then he nearly fell in the pool he was laughing so hard at his own joke. It was a pretty good joke.

8. Autism can still surprise me. And hurt. And confuse us.

pirate_sloaniebear

Are these the "captains" that have so terrified Billy? Possibly.

pirate_booboo2

Out of nowhere, Billy became incredibly fearful in the middle of our vacation. He suddenly balled up in a corner, with his fingers in his ears, screaming, “I'm so scared!” He stayed that way, off and on, for most of the next 24 hours. When we coaxed him into talking to us, the most we could get out of him was, “I'm scared of captains.” He had seen some cartoon about pirates, and we had been to a restaurant called “Peg-legged Pete's,” neither of which seemed particularly scary.

All we could figure was, like his fear of kangaroos, the fear of “captains” really means something else, some mystery made up of sensory overload, unpredictable schedule and general weariness born of several days of non-stop activity. All we can do sometimes is sit close to them, talk softly and wait it out.

Or, in Dave's case, promise Billy that if we see any captains, we'll “kick them in the peg leg and laugh.” I don't know what sort of effect this is going to have on Billy's ability to empathize with disabled mariners, but as Dave pointed out, peg legs are a bit thin on the ground these days. And it did make Billy laugh.

 

9. Sometimes autism's surprises are really good ones. For instance, even a naval air museum is fun, exciting and hilarious when viewed through Billy's eyes.

SB_Billy_Cockpit

Let's just say that on a really really good day, when I'm in a great mood, I'm faintly ambivalent about naval aviation. The idea of spending an afternoon touring various types of aircraft is likely to send me to my bed with the vapors.

DSC_0420

Until I visited one with Billy. He went completely monkey-poop over the National Naval Aviation Museum. He danced around under the giant planes and literally trembled with excitement. He hugged the end of one plane or jet or whatever you call it and said, “I hug you! I love you, big jet!” Then he tried to insist that I close the ceiling bubbly thing over the driver's seat so that “Billy can fly. Billy can FLY!” Dear lord. I don't think so. The sight of an old bi-plane made him fall on the floor in hysterical giggles. Really?!

The museum was free and had an awesome kids play area with a kiddie aircraft carrier, complete with slides (Are there slides on an aircraft carrier? I'd like to think so.) and little helicopter that the kids could sit in. Willow quickly took command of the ship and bossed around children twice her age. I think she has a scary affinity for the military.

So it was a great Spring Break, despite the fact that I never darkened the doors of the spa or the gym and my toes still look like they've been mauled by beavers. As usual, I learned at least as much about myself and what I need to work on as what I learned about Billy. Which brings me to the end of this year's list ...

10. I should really stop making lists.

Who am I kidding? That's never gonna happen.

Reader Comments

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Welcome back to Blogland, Amanda! It sounds like you guys had a fun vacation!

"on a really really good day, when I'm in a great mood, I'm faintly ambivalent about naval aviation." Best. Line. Ever. I feel the same way! A couple of summers ago while visiting my brother, he decided it would be a good idea to tour the Diefenbunker, which was built during the Cold War to house the Canadian government if there were a nuclear attack...it is now a museum. Let's just say the kids faked interest as long as they could...

I'm a control freak too, but I almost never make lists...

Wendy

I like your lists!

Especially when they're like this! Loved this post - keep 'em coming!

So much better than our Spring break...

Sounds like a great vacation! I agree with your husband...I think peg-legged pirates should be the one prejudice that Billy is allowed. So awesome that Billy has made such great progress! That spontaneous play date is like a dream come true!

I needed to read this

#3 really hit me between the eyes. Right now I'm so wrapped up in the "what we can't do's" that I can't even fathom the future. Thanks for giving me hope!!!

Oh..and my little one has the weirdest fear of cows (cartoon and real). Makes every Ipad game with animals fun. And Chik fil A is on the banned list right now! ha! Glad we not alone in fears of things that have no rational explanation.

Sounds Like a Great Vacation!

It sounds like you had a great time! I'm so glad. Billy's progress is also fantastic!

Lists

A year can make a huge difference. Last year I couldn't stop making lists. This year - not so much.

All things considered, sounds like a great vacation was had by all.

Looks like a really great trip! Beautiful pictures. Have any tips/tricks for the car ride there and back? I think that's our big hang-up. Our kids (both of them) do not do well for after about 40 minutes. We do fine once we're there, but good grief it has to be a great place we're going to make it worth the hours in the car!

I enjoyed this post... I have a daughter who is a list maker and used to be a control freak. That has been adjusted since baby #1 came and she's the one that is due with baby #2 so her grip on control has slipped significantly. My favorite line in this is " toes still look like they've been mauled by beavers." LOL. I'm with you.

Total 9 comments

Welcome to my first Vlog! A big thank you to Laurie Wallin, mom of four, including two with special needs, for inspiring me with her wonderful Vlog entry about living with our fear and being OK with it. I highly recommend Laurie's website and her honest, inspiring videos. Looking forward to feedback ...

Reader Comments

How did I miss this?

This is GREEEEEEAAAAAT (did you get the Tony the Tiger reference with that?) No, really. Isn't it amazing the fears you develop as an adult. I feel the same way. I can't even go on a swing without getting a pit in my stomach or do a cartwheel. Why does that happen?? Good for you girl. NOW you are ready for Oprah! :)


Hi Amanda :)
I came over from SITS and I love your first vlog - congratulations! (love your playroom too)

I love that you felt your fear and got behind the camera to share yourself with your readers. You were so raw and honest and I admire that deeply.

I think I personally have become much more fearful since having a child - I hardly recognise myself any more. it's sad, but maybe I'm growing up ;)
Isn't it great how our kids continue to be an inspiration though; when my DD is being bullied it's me that ends up fearful and in tears, she simply tells me that her angels are with her, always willing to play :)

We have to wait a WEEK for the next one?

:) Beautifully done!

You're gorgeous! How fun to see you and hear you talk! Congratulations on walking into that room full of snakes..

Video killed the blogosphere star

You guys are so great. I really really love all the love. I didn't plan to get all bawly when I started, and I actually started to re-record the video and then I thought, "Nope. This is actually exactly what I was afraid of, so I might as well get it out there." There are plenty of days when my tear ducts are by far the most active part of my body (I'm an easy crier), but no use pretending to be anybody else. Actually, if you can't pretend to be somebody else on the Internet, when can you? Ah well, it's out there now :-)

Woohoo!

Great job! I have done a few Vlogs (and I do pronounce it like blog with a v, so who knows what it really should be!). But lately I just do not do my hair or makeup and do not want to scare people.

Great to meet you!

Hey Amanda - wow, well done! What a great vlog, and I also had no idea how to pronounce it. Now I'll think of you when I read it! I admire your courage, and feel so inspired by your spirit!
Sunshine xx

Fearless, not Crazy

Well done! I didn't know you're from Chipley! I moved from Sarasota to Tallahassee and now I'm in Chipley! Sweet people, slow living!
I can't get in the slow lane yet- not sure I ever will. By the way, if you want to print out a pdf of the Life Manifesto I posted the other day, I put the link at beverlylewis.wordpress.com.
I linked this comment to my "just for fun" blog since we just did the Econfina - thought you might like a ride on the creek. : )

Total 14 comments

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