We've started letting Billy go to the bathroom by himself at our favorite and most frequented family-friendly restaurant. As soon as he's gone, I make Dave stand three feet away from the door of the bathroom, to keep an eye out for any pervs. The irony is, of course, this totally makes Dave look like a complete perv.

Last time, Billy took way too long and I was starting to get worried. People kept coming and going and no Billy. So I sent Dave in after him.

He found Billy safely locked into a stall, still doing his business, and chattering away, seemingly to himself.

DAVE: Billy, what are you doing?

BILLY: (surprised to see Dave) Oh! Daddy!

He leans his head down and looks under the stall next to him and then looks back up at his Dad.

BILLY: Tell that man to come back. I need to ask him some more questions.

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